2023 ROUNDUP - HIGHLIGHTS & SELF CARE TIPS

Whether you came along to one of my workshops, joined me at one of the Speed Friending events or retreats I co facilitated with Sabrina Chevrier, received coaching from me, or joined my mailing list to stay updated. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT, I TRULY APPRECIATE YOU!!

Keep reading as I share some highlights of 2023 and some tips to get you through the holiday season. 

HIGHLIGHTS

MY BOOK!!

I released my book on Amazon a few days ago!!!  

I Don’t Want to Date My Dad!

One woman’s journey to self-worth

Within 24 hours it had made #1 Best Selling book in Self-Help for Abuse!!!! Wow! So freaking grateful!!

This book will make you laugh, cry and learn the lessons I wish I knew before I dated numerous (and I do mean NUMEROUS) emotionally unavailable and abusive men. 

GET YOUR COPY AT THE LINK BELOW!!

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CQSR7H3X/ref=cbw_us_au_dp_gos?smid=ANEGB3WVEVKZB

UNCOVER YOU RETREAT

The retreat was a HIT!! After 10 years of thinking about running one, I ran one with Sabrina Chevrier and it was incredible!

We knew it was going to be awesome but we didn’t realise how awesome it was going to be! We are still receiving such beautiful feedback weeks later:

“I feel have been more chilled, relaxed and less self conscious”

“I truly feel so much lighter after our  retreat, it was exactly what I needed.”

“the retreat has definitely changed my life in many ways”

We couldn’t have asked for a better result! We watched women arrive feeling stuck, sad, and angry, and leave feeling open, relaxed, and in flow. They were a different person! 

We are running another in March 2024 and will be running a competition on Instagram to give away a spot so follow us there if you don’t already:

@ashleejohnsonturner 

@gcwomen.events

#GALSWITHGRATITUDE

For those located on the Gold Coast you may know that Sabrina and I started a FREE weekly women’s circle 6am Thursday’s Burleigh Beach (near the Burleigh Pav). 

This circle has brought us all so much joy as we share all of our wins, celebrate each other, laugh, connect and usually end with a dip in the ocean. 

It’s literally the best way to start the day and leaves me feeling so fulfilled!

We’ve had multiple women return each week, women who have found their soul-tribe in the group, and overall love and appreciation for running such a heart-filled circle. 

Would love to see you there!!

A Woman’s Guide to Boundaries & Standards 

This workshop was run in groups of 10 and groups of 45. The smaller group coaching sessions have been life changing for the women that joined and I will run them again like that in 2024. 

Things to look forward to in 2024:

More retreats, speed friending events, workshops, Group coaching availability, #GALSWITHGRATITUDE and more!

I’m so excited for 2024!!!!

TIPS FOR THRIVING IN THE HOLIDAYS: 

1. Do one thing that brings you joy every single day. 

Whether it’s jumping in the ocean, taking yourself for a walk, writing, painting, singing, dancing. Whatever it is, it will change your whole day ESPECIALLY if you start your day with it.

2. Boundaries and self-care are important! 

Just because there’s lots on, doesn’t mean you have to do any of it! Listen to your body and your needs and say NO to the sh!t that isn’t lighting you up!

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and I look forward to seeing you in the new year!

Ashlee x 

@ASHLEEJOHNSONTURNER

I am a Warrior…

I am a warrior

A truth seeker

A justice keeper

I serve and protect 

I see you

I am you

I’ve got you

I can stand alone

I’ve got my back

But I want you here

By my side 

Walk with me 

Fight with me

I’ll lead us through the dark

I’ve been there before

Let me show you the way

I am a warrior

Hear me roar.

Why did it take me so long to become a women’s empowerment coach?

Let me tell you a little story…

I’ve always been told and taught to work hard. To settle. To stick with my job. I’ve even been told during severe depression and burn out “you chose to work with these people (violent young men in remand), you knew what they’d be like, get back to work”. 

I’ve been told that I need to work hard to get a pinch of what I desire. 

I’ve also been told my desires are unrealistic.

I desire to work 15 hours a week max and earn enough money to cover all of my wants, needs and desires! 

But instead most of the workplaces I have chosen I’ve worked upwards of 30-46 hours. 

Within a couple of months I’ve been burnt out and unable to work more than 15 hours.

My body constantly shows signs and symptoms of stress.

I’m not blaming everyone else for what I’ve chosen, I am an adult and I make my own decisions. But I have let everyone else’s opinions influence the choices that I’ve made.

I’ve let other peoples limiting beliefs choose for me. 

And so I chose workplaces full of trauma (brothels, strip clubs, prisons, crisis centres, domestic & family violence/sexual assault counselling roles) because I felt I had to suffer and be around suffering to be on purpose and have meaning and therefore make money!

Being a coach wasn’t available to me because I was under the influence of someone I loved dearly that believed ALL coaches were scammers. All because they worked for a business coach once who was a piece of sh!t. So all coaches were sh!t. I didn’t believe this myself, but I wanted their approval so bad that I chose to not go down that path.

It took 5 more years before I realised that being a coach is WHO I AM! 

And I don’t care if you don’t like it because I DO! 

If you’ve been close to me at the gym, as a friend, at dancing, in a workplace, have had a conversation with me at any stage, you’ll notice I naturally encourage people to DO THE THING! 

Go get it! 

Believe in yourself! 

Lift heavier! 

Ask them out! 

Go after your fucking dreams! 

Ask for the raise! 

Start your own business! 

It is who I am. 

Why would I deny who I am because someone else told me to?

Let’s all ask ourselves that same question right now… 

✨SAY IT WITH ME FRIENDS💫

I CHOOSE TO BE WHO I WANT TO BE!

I CHOOSE TO WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER!

I CHOOSE JOY!

I CHOOSE EASE!

I CHOOSE PEACE!

I CHOOSE PLAYFULNESS!

I CHOOSE CREATIVITY!

I CHOOSE MY F$CK!NG SELF!

We are NOT here to suffer! 

Let’s stop telling each other it’s the only way we can get what we desire! 💫✨

BOUNDARIES & STANDARDS

What are they?

Why do we benefit from knowing them and having them?

As Sarri Gilman states in her Ted X talk, “Boundaries are what your Yes’s and No’s are made of. The things you say yes to, and the things you say no to.”

They are not always verbal yes’s and no’s, they may be the actions that you take.

For example, if you want a long term relationship but are still having casual sex, you are saying yes to casual sex and therefore “no” to a long term commitment. 

Casual sex is fantastic, there’s no shame and no judgement doing it. But if you want a long term relationship having casual sex is telling these people and the universe “I’ll settle for this instead”. A boundary you could have in place instead is “I will not have sex with anyone who is not interested in and actively seeking a long term relationship with me”.

If you are at a time in your life where you are not ready for a relationship and you’d like to have all the casual sex, then a boundary you could put in place is “I will not sleep with people who are actively seeking long term committed relationships”.

Take a moment to think about what you want.

Ask yourself: where am I at in my life RIGHT NOW? 

Would I prefer casual sex and no relationships , or would I like to find a long term committed relationship? 

And then start acting in accordance with those desires. 

Follow me on Instagram for more content around boundaries and standards.

I am also facilitating an in person workshop on the Gold Coast, Saturday 20th May 2023 for women only! Check out my events page for the details.

Ashlee x

Your Fave Cheerleader, Advocate, Counsellor & Coach

Womens Walk with Mens Medicine

Wow. 

That’s all my connection partner and I could say at the end of our breathwork journey. 

The thoughts that raced through my head were “what the f### just happened?”, “have I finished grieving yet?”, “I didn’t expect that!”, “whoa”. 

I was the lucky winner of the Womens Walk Competition (thank you a million times over) and honestly had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into. 

I mean, I knew there would be Curtis Falls, a bunch of women, some breathwork and some journaling, but that’s it. 

I was so in the dark I actually didn’t even realise that Coach Lino Hola would be facilitating it, I thought it’d be a woman 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

I thought about sharing the intimate details of my experience here but I’ll just share this instead:

As a counsellor and a coach, someone who is driven by women empowerment and being a better version of myself, it’s so important that I lead by example and work on my mind body and soul.

If you’re needing clarity, healing, to be seen, felt, heard, to experience all that you are and all that you want to be in an intimate beautiful held and facilitated setting, go and do the Womens Walk with Mens Medicine. For the men out there, they have a Mens Walk too and for couples, they have a couples workshop to cover y’all too 💫✨

Absolute magic. 

So much gratitude.

So much healing.

What a pleasure to be a part of it and to meet so many incredible and raw women doing the work too 💛

Thank you 🙏🏽 

Ashlee x

Grieving the relationship that I had and didn’t have.

Last weekend I attended a very special event at Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast. It was the 2nd anniversary of Cool2BeCouncious stillness events.

Sooo many people showed up (around 1200!!) to breathe, to connect, to swim, to ice bath, to be still.

Together. 

It was absolutely BREATHTAKING!! (No pun intended)

Each time I’ve entered breath work lately tears fall. 

I sob. 

So much grief. 

Vulnerable. Shattered. Open. 

My heart is grieving so much. 

And as each day goes on I grieve something deeper, something more. 

At first I grieved the relationship I wish I had with my ex. 

Then I grieved the loss of the relationship we did have. 

Then I grieved his ultimate betrayal post break up. 

I’m still grieving it. 

It was a pretty beautiful conscious uncoupling until that point. And then there was no turning back after that. 

So I grieved that I couldn’t leave his presence sooner (we were still living together whilst I waited for settlement).

I grieved that he never read the post I asked him to read on day 5 of our relationship where I explicitly said to all men what I want and what I expected from them…

 “… Unless you are ready for open and honest discussions about where I am at and how I feel at any given moment in time and welcome my curiosity and questioning of you, you are not ready for me…”

Instead of being ready for me, he suggested he was intimidated by me all this time.

All those moments I was longing for depth and connection, for someone to share with me their everything and to ask me all about mine, he shared with me post relationship that he felt dissected because of my psychology degree instead and that he was waiting to be diagnosed in a sense.

What he didn’t acknowledge or learn about me is that I don’t ask questions because I studied psychology, I studied psychology BECAUSE I ask questions, BECAUSE I want to learn about people, BECAUSE I am curious about our why’s, our behaviours, who we are, our thoughts, our patterns, our hopes, our dreams our DEPTHS. 

This whole time I’ve been longing for a man to see me, to hear me, to question me, to get genuinely curious about me, but I chose a man who didn’t truly want that, let alone someone who could be questioned and open up himself.

If only he told me this throughout our almost 2 year relationship instead of holding back every day.

No matter the heartbreak, the grief, the anger, there are no regrets, just memories and lessons. 

Many lessons.

We chose each other and we learned A LOT about ourselves and how to be in relationship in what we both believed was the healthiest and best relationship we’ve ever had (so far!!).

We learned a lot about what we needed and I certainly learned to embody my boundaries, values and standards even more throughout this relationship and its ending. This relationship made me so excited for the next one.

I feel like I just got tested by the universe a bit and it asked me if I was going to settle, and I said F##K NO!!!

The grieving isn’t over yet though.

Immediately after finishing the event that morning I signed up to join another full day event with the same crew.  

I’m not quite ready to let love in, but I sure as hell am ready to let it fill my heart and completely flow out of my tear ducts if it needs to.

I share this with you because I want you to know that I’ve been there.

I’ve been through it all.

Through the heartbreak, the lessons, the boundaries, the love, the relationships.

I’m not just a coach or a counsellor preaching without experience, I’ve been right there where you are now and I am here to cheer you on to where you want to go next!

How much “leading in relationship” should a woman really do?

Some of my (unofficial 😆) sex, love and relationship coach mentors have recently shared how women lead in love. 

When it comes to sex, personal development, relational development, we the women are the leaders and we should be patiently waiting for our partners to join us. 

That even if we’re EXHAUSTED of always leading it’s our role in relationship to lead.

So when is it ok to say “I’m done here, enough is enough”? 

No one can tell you when you should or shouldn’t stay, it’s entirely up to you.

If you are happy to wait, and keep waiting, that’s your prerogative. 

However, if you are tired of waiting, tired of inviting, tired of leading, if you are not having your needs actually met when it comes to love, sex and relationship, and you can see that this person is not all in and not willing to step up and meet you… it’s time to reassess whether it’s the right relationship for you. 

There’s a difference between leading and being met, and leading and barely dragging the other person behind you. 

You don’t have to stay if you’re exhausted, if you feel depleted, if you are craving MORE and are not receiving it, if you have TRIED and TRIED and they have not made progress. 

It’s ok to leave full stop. 

It’s also a great lesson in standards, if you already know what you need in a relationship, choose people that already have those qualities. 😉

Happy loving everyone 💗

Ashlee x

Stop Trying to Save or Change Others!

Ever been in a situation where your friend or family member is spiralling and self sabotaging. You really want to help, you just want them to see that they are better than that, that they have potential, they can do better.

You try to help them and whether your help was asked for or not it’s received the same way. They disregard it. They don’t care. They don’t listen. They don’t change.

Let me give you some bittersweet advice as someone that has been both the self sabotager and the helper:
It is NOT worth your mental health.

Step back and save that energy for your own life. Use that energy to get support for yourself so you can manage the feelings wanting to help or save someone brings up for you.
Use that energy for self care, your job, your relationship, your studies.
Use it for whatever you’ve got going on for you.

The person that is self sabotaging won’t change unless they actually want to.
If they are asking you for help and then disregarding all of it, they don’t actually want your help. They’re just entertaining you, buying themselves some time for their own personal reasons whether they are conscious of it or not.
I’ll give you a hot tip: they most likely aren’t conscious of what they are doing, nor are they self aware right now.

You know what it’s like when you are ready for change, you all of a sudden start doing anything you can to move in the direction you want to go. Little steps, big steps, whatever things you can put in place, you do.
It’s the same for everyone.
When we are ready to change we take steps forward.

I get it, it’s hard to watch someone you love act like this, but it’s harder to put your energy into helping them change and having it thrown back in your face.

Step back, give them space.
They will change whenever they are ready.
You just focus on your boundaries, and decide what you are and are not willing to do for them.
You aren’t here to save or change anyone. 💕💞💓💗
•
If you need help with creating boundaries, book in for a session with me at Walk With Me Therapies.

Tell Them What You Need

Tell them what you need…

Sometimes we don’t hear or get the things we want from our loved ones.
And sometimes it’s because that person doesn’t even know we need it. Maybe they never heard it or got it themselves, or maybe it’s so obvious that they feel uncomfortable about saying or doing it. And maybe it’s been so long that they feel some level of shame that they haven’t said it or given it to you yet.
And maybe, just maybe, they hold so much stuff around it themselves that they may never be able to say it or give it to you.

Try giving them the benefit of the doubt first.
Let them know what it is that you need from them.
Maybe you need them to hug you when you are sad or give you space when you are mad.
Maybe you need to hear the words “I love you” or “I’m proud of you”.

If the other person doesn’t know what we need how can we be upset at them for not showing up for us in the way we want?

Let them know what it is you need from them, and then let them make the choice if it’s something they can give to you.

If they can’t give you this thing, know that you are worthy whether they can step up or not. Just because someone can’t give you what you need doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of it.

This works in all relationships; romantic, friendships, family, professional, don’t be afraid to ask.

If you need help learning how to ask for what you need reach out and book in for a session with me at Walk With Me Therapies.

SELF CARE 101

REALITY:
We all get tired sometimes.
We all need a break sometimes.
•
FEELING:
For the past week I noticed my zest had dropped, I was tired, I knew I needed a day for me.
•
ACTION:
yesterday I took a sick day. No work, no gym, just a beach puppy play date with a girlfriend, a nap, a book, and a movie with my love. Just things that nourished me and what my body needed.
Connection, play, rest.
•
RESULT:
Today I feel better, not 100% yet but I know I can cope with today and will be able to recharge completely over the weekend.
•
If I didn’t rest, if I pushed through, my energy would’ve dropped further, my mental health would’ve suffered, I would’ve taken more days off work, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with Uni. It would’ve taken longer to recover.
•
Listen to your body. We aren’t machines, and even if we were they need their batteries recharged too.
•
Work will always cope without you.
Life will always move forward.
Take time out for you when you need it. 💗
•
If you find it hard to listen to your body and rest reach out and book in for a session with me at Walk With Me Therapies. It’s time you started taking care of you.

Stop Fantasising About Clowns…

Stop fantasising about who they “could” be and start accepting them and seeing them for who they really are!
•
If they are acting like a clown - they are not a king!
•
If they are not returning your msgs or calls - they are not interested!
•
If they breadcrumb you, creep on your stories, never follow through with meet ups or leave you wondering if they are interested - they probably aren’t and you are just their entertainment!
•
Does that mean you are worthless? NO!
•
It just means they aren’t the one you need to bother wasting your time on. Let that s#!t go👋🏼 Accept them for who they are. And MOVE ON! 😌
•
When you stop entertaining jokers you create space for kings and queens 👑 💞